I'M IN A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH...

First we break up, then we make up. Sometimes we limit our time together and on stressful nights we can't get enough. We love binging anything together, but it's been a long time since we last encountered each other. If you think I'm talking about a relationship, then your right. However, my illustrious lover isn't a guy, though there are many stories about that too, no this particular love of mine is and always has been with food.  

My relationship with food has certainly been a rocky one and as my relationship and insecurities with food manifested, so did my weight gain. Struggling with binge eating has been a constant battle for me since my earliest memories. If I had a bad day, food was there. Stressed out, I could eat that feeling away. And don't get me started about terrible break ups... food was my rebound of choice.  

Growing up, food was a source of all emotions for my family, and it certainly is for most. However, our love affair with food goes much deeper than most typical people. We are eaters: happy eaters, sad eaters, stress eaters and Netflix and chill eaters. My family isn't to blame for my challenges with eating disorders, but we certainly all struggle with food in our own ways. 

In the last few months so much has changed for me and I think the biggest attribute is how my relationship with food has shifted.  For the first time in my life, I am truly allowing myself to feel and accept whatever emotion I experience. I no longer mask my feelings with food, and while it's such a strange and sometimes fearful experience, it is 💯 times better than turning to food. That instant gratification you get from over indulging is always met with feelings of guilt and and upset gut. And let me tell you I am so over it!  

I still love food and eating, and I am sure that there will be times in my life where I feel the urge to turn to food. But instead, I am choosing me. I'm choosing to tune into my inner self more often and check in to see how I'm feeling. I want to address the problem when it happens, not suppress it with a temporary food coma bandaid. I choose to find joy in food AND elsewhere. We only have one life to live, and I'd rather not waste another minute obsessing over food.  I think it's about time for a new kind of love... SELF LOVE